Liquid Plummer

A Commentary on the American Nightmare: A Diary of the Unemployed: The Early Years Part 5

So, now I’m a man (boy) without a pool. There’s no way I’m getting back in now or maybe ever, and it gets worse. My friends have come to tell me the apartment complex manager wants to have a meeting with me and Vic. This is not a good thing, considering that the complex manage was a complete and total nutjob, fucking cunt. Think of the elementary school vice principle in Uncle Buck, you know, the one with the mole. In short, a hideous human being.

This was the kind of person that was so relentlessly and needlessly mean, nasty and intentionally vindictive that they make you want to viciously beat them, stomp their face in with your boots, then light them on fire. As I think about it now I’m filled an insurmountable amount of rage at how callously vicious this piece of shit was to a bunch of little kids. Yes, I’m bitter.

Until this cunt came along, we played football in the field next to one of the buildings, we skateboarded down the big hill that ran from from the top of the complex down to the bottom, we built tree forts, played hide and seek all over the property and generally had free reign, with no issues or complaints from anyone.

Then this worthless bitch, with nothing better to do with her time, decides she’s gonna put a stop to all our fun and activities for no other reason than I really think she got off on the power trip of it. She definitely had now power in any other aspect of her life, no husband, no kids, nobody. So I think she took it out on whoever she could, and we just happened to be the easiest targets she could find.

She actually told us we should not be outside, that we should go home, and stay indoors. I really think she was must have been crazy or something. She went out of her way on a daily basis to break up our football games, baseball games, hide and seek and any and all activities that she could interfere with, proclaiming that people were complaining, bullshit! Eventually we got fed up and just started to tell her to fuck off. It even got to the point where I splattered model paint on her office window as revenge. I truly hated that fucking beast. But I digress. Back to the meeting.

So in order for me to return to the pool I had to have a meeting with the manager and lifeguard. She didn’t call my mother and say I needed to have this meeting. This crazy bitch was no maniacal and demented, she wanted to have a meeting with a nine year old, and another adult. See what I mean, she was fucking nuts.

So here I go, off to my meeting. A little kid, with two adults, to see if I will be allowed to go back to the pool. Maybe I didn’t specify the extent to which this lady was fucking crazy and for all I knew was were luring me into her office so her and Vic could do me in. I was genuinely scared for my life. So I brought a knife and I was ready to use it.

So let me see if I can recall how this all went down. It was a long time ago but I’m pretty sure it went like this. I walk into her office, which is directly adjacent to the pool, so you could smell the chlorine. It was a cloudy day, upstate New York is very hot and humid in the summer and there are frequent thunderstorms, so the pool was closed, no swimming in case of lightning and all. So I go in, the manager, let’s call her Alice, is sitting at her desk and Vic is standing behind her. They both stare at me intensely, then Alice tells me to sit down.

Have you ever had a situation with your parents or a teacher lecturing you, and you just sort of go along with it because you have to, then just agree with what they say so they won’t talk anymore? That’s pretty much what happened. Oh, and Vic threatened to kill me if I ever did anything like that again. Seriously, he paced back and forth throughout Alice’s speech and blurted out, “I’ll fucking kill you, I don’t care”. Suffice it to say I was alarmed by his declaration and pretty pissed off at the same time. All I could think was, “I can’t believe this guy just threatened my life, I’M FUCKING NINE OVER HERE DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK”. So I reached into my pocket to grasp my knife and thought, go ahead mother fucker and I’m gonna stick you like the greasy pig that you are. So blah blah blah, they gave me their little lecture and threatened my life and I was outa there. I was allowed to return to the pool, but I can’t for the life of me remember ever seeing Vic or that hideous beast again. Or maybe, there’s nothing substantial enough to remember about them, but I’m sure there entire lives were like that. More to Come. Haven’t contributed to this series in over a year until my friend left a simple comment that he wanted to read more. Thanks to Jason Lacour for the inspiration to continue writing my stories, thanks man. Here’s his link

http://heavyhittersofcomedy.com/2010/06/25/gainfully-unemployed/

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