Liquid Plummer

The Relationship Guide: Part 5 – It’s Vegas Baby

Rule 7

Marriage is like Vegas, most people leave it losers.

I can’t stress this point enough, most relationships, let alone marriages, don’t last. Just be with who want to be with. If you want to have property or hospital rights, in some states you can set up a civil union or domestic partnership. If not, go to a lawyer and draw up paperwork that states you have these rights. OK, so you can’t claim them on your taxes, but really, if you’re factoring in saving money as one of the advantages of being married, consider how much a divorce is going to cost you.

Not convinced, keep reading.

I like to compare marriage to Las Vegas, the wonderland of beauty, excitement, big dreams and a lot of heartbreak and disappointment. Sound familiar?

Below are a few parallels between marriage and Las Vegas. I think the similarities are pretty interesting.

1. LAS VEGAS IS BUILT ON LOSERS

Las Vegas is one of the wonders of the world, in my eyes anyway. Did you ever ask yourself why it’s so spectacular? I don’t think people think about it much because they accept it as part of the experience, but all the spectacular hotels and monumental replicas are there to lure you in, seducing you, drawing you ever closer, so you can step up to the table and, LOSE YOUR SHIRT.

The probability of winning in Vegas is not good. The odds are something like six to one against you, depending on the game, and how long you play, The longer you play the more likely you are to lose. Again, sound familiar?

Six to one, comes out to a little less than a twenty percent chance of leaving town in the black.

IF YOU DOUBLE YOUR CHANCES YOU STILL ONLY HAVE ABOUT A FORTY PERCENT CHANCE OF WINNING.

If you were in the hospital and your doctor came into the room and said you only had a forty percent chance of surviving your illness, you would shit yourself.

ONLY 45% OF MARRIED COUPLES STAY TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is an optimistic percentage because this statistic doesn’t account for how many of those couples are happy in their marriage. I think you’ve got to take off at least five percent for the couples that stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of the kids, or they’re used to a certain standard of living, or they’re simply too scared of the unknown.

So, you double your chances of winning at Vegas, and you have your probability of having a successful, HAPPY marriage.

DO YOU GET IT NOW!!! If not, go back to sleep.

If you think you’re the exception to this rule, ask yourself this question.

Can you say, FOR A FACT, that in twenty years, you will feel the same way about your potential spouse that you feel right now.

Really take a moment to think about this question and I think common sense and logic will lead you to the only honest answer you can arrive at.

Of course the answer is NO, you can’t say for sure. If you’ve convinced yourself otherwise consider this.

THE BIGGEST LIES ARE THE ONE’S YOU TELL TO YOURSELF. They are also the one’s that do the most damage.

Aside from the percentage of people who stay married, which we’ve established above, the chances of being in a happy marriage are not good.

I can hear all the whiners now, “but, but ,but”. Look, you don’t have to be alone, but you should try to be REALISTIC.

Think about this very very hard before you do something you’re going to regret.

2. VEGAS IS A BLAST, BUT IT DOESN’T LAST

What do you do when you go to Vegas? You party your ass off. Fuck Yeah. Nothing wrong with that, sign me up, book the flight, let’s hit the road.

Aren’t you thinking the same thing when you meet someone new?. Of course you do. Who can resist? They’re cute, funny, and they meet all the needs of sexually active adults. Fuck Yeah, sounds good to me.

Let’s break down how the adventure will play out.

How do you spend your time in Vegas? Sight seeing, drinking, gambling, eating, and hopefully, fucking your brains out.

What do you do in a new relationship? Sight seeing (dating), drinking (do you really need an example?), gambling (with your emotions), eating (going out to dinner) and hopefully, fucking your brains out.

How does your time in Vegas end? You’re tired, hung over, broke, ten pounds heavier and if you cheated on your significant other, which most people do ,you’ve probably gotten someone pregnant or even contracted an STD.

How do most marriages end? You’re tired (Emotionally destroyed) hung over (you turn to the bottle), broke ( from having to pay lawyers), ten pounds heavier (if you’re lucky), and if you cheated on your significant other, which most people do, you’ve probably gotten someone pregnant or even contracted an STD.

If you’ve decided I’m wrong or you feel you will be one of the couples that fit into the forty percentile that stay together, then by all means, roll the dice, deal the cards, and spin that wheel of fortune, I wish you all the luck in the world, you’re going to need it.

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