Liquid Plummer

The Relationship Guide: Part 6 – It’s All In The Cards

Rule 8

WAR!!! – is the name of the game.

OK, so you’ve read everything in The Relationship Guide up to now and you’re ready to take the knowledge and wisdom I’ve bestowed upon you (Yes, I will get over myself now) and plunge into the emotional abyss and uncharted territory of a SUCCESSFUL relationship.

So if you’ve followed all the rules from Parts 1 through 5 you should be fairly well prepared to find that special someone or maybe even salvage your current relationship.

In this section we’re going to use the card game war as an analogy for how relationships are developed and maintained.

In the card game, war, each player is dealt an even number of cards and play begins as each player reveals one card, showing it’s value. The player with the higher value card takes ownership of all the cards for that round, obtaining ownership of more cards, i.e. leverage and control and ultimately an advantage in the game. Sound familiar?

Relationships are similar to the card game war, in that, when you are in a relationship your cards are your interests, concerns, feelings, desires, aspirations, etc, etc. Just like the cards, your feelings, needs and desires retain a degree of value to you personally.

For example, your need to have a cheeseburger once in while is a low value card, maybe a two or a three, depending of course on how much you like cheeseburgers, but if cheeseburgers are high value cards in your life, relationships are not your predominant concern and you should go to the deal a meal blog. (an unintended but yet effective pun)

Anyway, as I said, just like the cards, your interests, concerns and desires have different values. As your relationship develops, you begin to reveal your cards to one another, but eventually, one person ends up with more cards.

This can often be construed as compromise, but all too often leads to an uneven distribution of power in how the relationship progresses.

I don’t think I’m saying anything new here, and there are definitely exceptions to this, but no matter how often I witness this phenomenon I’m shocked at how many people are obtuse to their particular situation. Spend any significant amount of time with any couple and sooner or later you will be able to identify the individual who has more cards and therefore, more power in the relationship.

This can be for a variety of reasons, security, money, self esteem, and especially, love. These all influence our dependence on each other and the amount of power, or lack thereof, we have in our relationships.

The object of the game for our purposes is not to obtain all of your companions cards. To the contrary, for our purposes, you should try to build on a relationship where each of you maintain ownership of an equal amount of cards and therefore an equal amount of sovereignty which is ultimately, compatibility, in your relationship.

Considering that these cards represent your interests feelings and concerns, go back and start with the criteria in Part 4 (common interests, enjoy the same activities, same outlook of the world) in conjunction with the card values you place on each of these criteria. This will work as a barometer for you to further measure how compatible you are with your companion.

For example, your environmental responsibility card is a queen or a king and your new companion’s card is a five or a six. You recycle, he throws trash out the window on the highway.

DONE DEAL, MOVE ON!!!!!

DO NOT SETTLE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T VALUE THE SAME THINGS YOU DO, IT IS A SHORTCUT TO DISASTER.

As you begin to reveal your highest value cards, your ideal companion should match yours, card for card, or at least come very close. When this happens, I think your chances of being in a successful relationship increase, because you are building a foundation for your relationship on tangible aspects that will endure throughout the relationship, rather than superficial aspects or compromises that can lead to conflict and ultimately lead to the end of your relationship.

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