Liquid Plummer

The Relationship Guide: Part 8 – Time to Get Serious

Rule 9

Your feelings may be used against you.

As practical as we have been up to this point, we have to be realistic. As vibrant mature adults, we have certain necessities and desires that can only be fulfilled by emotional support and physical interaction.

This is where everything we’ve talked about concerning logic and practicality will usually get thrown out the window due to our inability to maintain any level of rational thinking during intense emotional situations.

Something happens to people when they begin to engage in the romantic aspects of a relationship. Our emotions and feelings begin to take over as we begin to bond and develop a higher level of openness and trust with one another. The combination of affection, tenderness and passion, propel us into emotional overdrive, leaving us in a euphoric state of bliss. We are so overcome with joy, we throw caution to the wind and often give ourselves completely to the other person.

Big mistake.

In Part 6, I likened the card game war with a relationship and told you to give your interest and concerns values, similar to card values, which you would, similar to the card game war, reveal to your partner as your relationship progressed.

Using your cards, at this point in your relationship, is now more important then ever, only now, your cards represent your most intimate, personal and often vulnerable aspects of your personality, and feelings. These feelings should be represented by your highest value cards, for it is these cards, that, if revealed too quickly, too often, or even at all, can eventually put your relationship in jeopardy. If you utilize these cards properly you will ensure that you remain sensible concerning the area of your relationship that makes the least sense, love.

Always maintain a level of protection in your relationship, even if you feel the other person is the love of your life, your soul mate, or any of the other emotionally influenced conclusion we arrive at, never, ever, let them know the fullest extent to which you harbor an emotional attachment to them.

Rule 10

Never show your last Ace.

Your last ace is the card that you keep to yourself as protection against the potential fickle nature of your partner. When you refrain from showing this card you accomplish two goals. You let the other person know that you’ve committed to them, but not in any kind of weak or needy way. It let’s them know that, even though you’ve declared your love for them, that you’re a big boy or girl, and you will be just fine if your fairy tale romance doesn’t work out.

It also sends the message that, hey, if you keep trying, maybe I’ll give myself to you, completely, which, if you listen to me, YOU NEVER WILL. This is what will keep them chasing you. You have to manipulate their instinct to conquer you, to maintain the psychological impression in their mind, that they still have to work to do to keep you as their mate. Don’t let them get too comfortable. How are you going to keep someone interested in you, if every time they attempt to gain ground, to ease their own insecurities, you just roll over and let them have their way. Make them work for it, play the game, play the game to win. If they aren’t chasing you, you can be dam sure they’re going to be chasing someone else. It is a very subtle psychological tool, but it is one of the most powerful techniques you can use to ensure the longevity of your relationship.

I know many of you are going to say that this is a very deceitful and dishonest way to approach your relationship. That if you can’t completely trust the person enough to give them your heart and soul completely, then you are not with the right person. Just because you believe you are with the right person, doesn’t make it true. People make this false assumption too often for you to follow the trend of true love meets reality, meets failure.

I’m not saying you can’t be in love, I’m just saying that you should refrain from letting the other person know that they’ve got you wrapped around their little finger.

Given this information, it is now your responsibility to recognize if you have become the dominant member of your relationship so as not to fall victim to the temptation to abuse the power you may very well have at your fingertips. I’m not giving you this information for you to abuse. These are techniques for you to use to protect yourself, not to use as emotional blackmail against your partner.   If you’re going to use these rules, you have to use them responsibly.

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